Princess Jokes / Recent Jokes

Interviewer: Sir Thomas, have you ever conducted Schoenberg?
Sir Thomas Beecham: No, but I trod in some once.
[The following was probably written by a violinist]
A princess was walking through her garden one day when she sees a frog sitting on a lily pad. As she gets closer she realises, to her amazement, that it is talking to her.
"Princess, princess, please help me. A wicked witch turned me into a frog - I used to be a musician - I played beautiful music in a great orchestra. If you kiss me I can become human and play music again."
The princess said, "Oh how sad, of course I'll help you. By the way, what instrument did you play?"
The frog replied, "I used to play the viola."
"Ah" said the princess. "You know, I think you could have a great future as a talking frog."

Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress. "You'll never get away with this," she cried. "Some brave knight will rescue me!" "Not in that thing," the evil king replied. She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I've mentioned, was very disgusting. After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her, "You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"

Once upon a time, there was a prince who was under a terrible spell. He could only say one word per year.
Then one day, he saw a beautiful princess. He fell in love with her. He vowed to ask her hand in marriage. However, because of the spell, he had to wait for 7 whole years to propose.
On the starting of the 8th year, the prince went to the princess' castle. Knelt down in front of her and said, "I love you, will you marry me?"
The princess tossed her enchanting golden hair, straightened her crown, parted her cherry-red lovely lips and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. What did you say?"

Once upon a time, there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.The curse prevented the prince from speaking or writing but for only one word each year.However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.One day, he met a beautiful princess and fell madly in love with her.With the greatest difficulty, he refrained from speaking for 2 whole years so that he could look at her and say, "My darling." But at the end of these 2
years, he wished to tell her that he loved her. So he waited 3 more years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to 5.At the end of these 5 years, he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited another 4 years without speaking.Finally, as the 9th year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden, more...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured young princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into my castle and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

Once upon a time...
There lived a king. The King had a
beautiful daughter, the Princess.
But the kingdom was a sad place.
There was no laughter, and no joy.
The problem was, that
everything the Princess touched would melt.
No matter what, metal, wood...
anthing she touched would melt!!
Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.
What could he do to help his
beautiful daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, "If your
daughter touches one thing that
does not melt in her hands, she
will be cured."
The King was overjoyed. The next
day, he held a competition. Any man
who could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt at her
touch, would marry her and inherit
the King's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first Prince brought a very hard
alloy of titanium.
When the more...

Their once was a Princess who fell in love with an indian, but still wasn't happy because he had accomplished nothing in his life. One day in the paper the princess read of an herbal tea drinking contest. Suprisingly the in Indian was very good at this and decided to enter. The contest began and soon it was down to the indian and another man, they both drank 32 gallons of tea. Finally after 34 gallons the other man dropped out and the indian won, by drinking 35 gallons of herbal tea. After celebrating, the indian went to sleep with the trophy in his hands and....that night he drowned in his teapee!