Prisoner Jokes / Recent Jokes

A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. "Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly. "You must think I'm daft," said the officer. "You stand here and I'll get it."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He *is* Santa Claus Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; Im a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you? Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the more...

There were three prisoners that were about to be shot. So they brought out the first preson and right when he was going to get shot he yelled,"Tornado!", he got away while they ran for cover. The second prisoner was brought out and right when he was about to get shot he yelled,"Earthquake!", and he got away while thay ran for cover.The third prisoner was a blonde and she was about to get shot when she yelled,"Fire!"

There were three prisoners who were about to be executed by the electric chair. The guards strapped down the first one, a Frenchman, onto the chair, and they asked him for his last words.
"Vive la France!" he said, meaning 'Long live France'.
When they pulled the switch, nothing happened. Everyone was amazed and thought that a miracle had occurred. The Frenchman was saved from death and released.
The guards strapped the second one, an Englishman, in the chair. When asked for his last words, he said, "Long live the Queen!"
Again, when they pulled the switch, nothing happened. He was saved and released.
When they asked the last prisoner who was an Irishman for his last words, he said, "Do you know why the other two prisoners escaped death? It's because you stupid blokes forget to plug in the cable!"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.""Ya, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."The German replies, " ya."The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to more...