Prisoner Jokes / Recent Jokes

t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?""Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."Thats no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Extracted from US news papers:
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A 24-YEAR-old man being chased by a police officer from a Beverly Hills, Calif., house that he was
suspected of burglarizing ran into a tree branch and knocked himself unconscious. In September, in
Akron, Ohio, police said that Christopher S. Dobbins, 28, in the process of robbing Leonardo's Pizza,
slipped on a streak of grease on the floor, which was the result of a dropped pizza earlier in the
evening, and knocked himself out.
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IN ST. LOUIS IN OCTOBER, according to police, Robert Puelo, 32, stole a hot dog from a 7-Eleven and
left the store, cramming it into his mouth as he ran. Minutes later, Puelo choked to death on a
6-inch piece of the hot dog that lodged in his throat.
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In Council Bluffs, Iowa, seven relatives ranging in age from 10 to 71 piled into the family car
intending to commit suicide over more...

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Ya, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, " ya."
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, more...

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?""Head up," said the doctor."Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor`s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn`t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine."Head up or head down?" said the executioner."Head up.""Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist`s more...

A group of prisoners were attending their rehabilitation meeting. Their assignment was to each stand up in turn, state their name and admit to the other inmates what crime they had committed.
The first prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Stuart and I'm in for armed robbery."
Everyone gave him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.
The next prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Dennis and I'm in for murder."
Again, there was a round of approving looks and pats on the back. This continued around the circle until it was the last inmate's turn.
He stood up and said, "My name is Louie and I'm not saying what I'm in for."
"Come on now, Louie," the group leader said, "in order for you to make any progress, you must disclose what your crime was. Now, tell us what you're in for."
"Ok, ok," Louie said, "I'm in for screwing dogs."
A disgusted look came over the more...

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.