Prize Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details."
Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and imagining about walking out of the bar $2,000 richer.
"What are the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out..."
"After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled..."
"Then you have to go and make love to the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied."
When the bouncer looks more...

With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars. "Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline." Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,' Oh, boy, this could be it--I could be a big winner!'" said more...

A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads "$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details." Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.
"You have to do three things and its all yours," the bartender says.
"Just three things?" the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and practically salivating at the thought of walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. "What are the three things?"
"Well," the bartender says, "first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out. After that, I've got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled. Then you have to go and f**k the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs."
"No problem," the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, "Hey pal your shoelace is untied." When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man more...

(A Marathon Passing By) Rahul: Why Are All Runing. Raghu: Because The Winner Gets A Huge Prize. Rahul: Oh! But Why Are The Rest
Running?

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."She said, "Aye, what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."