Programmer Jokes / Recent Jokes
A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: "I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!"
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" more...
In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all more...
A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a longflight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks ifhe would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, sohe politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lottafun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get tosleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't knowthe answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you$50!"This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this tormentunless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the firstquestion. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Engineerdoesn't say a more...
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated " I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said " I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, " Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, " Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: " Uh, let me see that map again."
A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a
long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the
Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The
Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Programmer
persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun.
He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the
answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't
know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely
declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer,
now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay
you $50!" This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees
no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The Programmer asks the first question. "What's the more...
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I`m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I`ll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I`ll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I`ll give you great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What`s wrong with you? I`ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won`t even kiss a frog?"
"I`m a programmer," he replies. "I don`t have time for sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat."