Pronunciation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquartersnear Paris found English to be an easy language... until they tried topronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses belowwere devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six monthsat hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF======================Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in eye, your dress will tear.So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain.(Mind the latter, how it's written.)Now I surely will not plague youWith such words as plaque and ague.But be careful how you speak:Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.Hear more...

Two Frenchmen came to New York for a vacation. The first thing they did leaving the hotel was to buy an American-French dictionary. Without a guide, they decided to learn English word by word in the simplest way they could think of - continuously browsing through the dictionary, picking at random a certain word and look up its definition.
So they went into a coffee shop and started off right away. The first word they came upon happened to be "Ouch" which was defined as "an interjection used to express a mixed feeling of surprise, sudden pain and anger." It was then that they suddenly realized they did not have the slightest idea what those cryptic pronunciation symbols might sound like. Thinking hard, one of the Frenchmen finally came up with a bright idea:
"Well, don't worry, mon ami. I suppose the best way for us to learn how to pronounce that word is to get a native say it out loud!"
"But how? I'm afraid nobody in this busy town is more...

1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
2. All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree..." and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House..."
3. Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Battle or Peachtree Corners.
4. Atlanta is the home of Coca Cola. That’s all we drink here, so don’t ask for any other soft drink... unless it’s made by Coca Cola.
5. Atlantan`s only know their way to work and their way home.
6. Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse.
7. It’s impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don’t feel lost.... they’re just more...

The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California andMassachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass. Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation. Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics: Can I help you? Kin ah hip ewe? Hi, I'm Don Fowler. Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah. The discerning English more...

To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth
II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, Commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing more...

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters
near Paris found English to be an easy language. .. until they tried to
pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below
were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months
at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF
======================
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But more...

Multinational personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found
English to be an easy language. .. until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an
array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd
prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and more...