Prostitute Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?"The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute.""A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant!"

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old times sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well old sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back!"

Vince Shlomi, 44, was arrested on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in Miami. According to authorities, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub. Shlomi told cops she "propositioned him for straight sex" for $1000, or 50 easy payments of only $19.99 each.

Movies simplified

15.' Pretty Woman' --' I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money'

14.' Face/Off' --' Who Is Face Belonging To? I Kill You Again, Harder!'

13.' Leaving Las Vegas' --' I'm Drunk And You're a Prostitute'

12.' Interview With The Vampire' --' So, You Are a Lawyer?'

11.' The Piano' --' Ungrateful Adulteress! I Chop Off Your Finger!'

10.' My Best Friend's Wedding' --' Help! My Pretend Boyfriend Is Gay!'

9.' George of the Jungle' --' Big Dumb Monkey-Man Keeps Whacking Tree With Genitals'

8.' Scent of a Woman' --' Great Buddha! I Can Smell You From Afar! Take a Bath, Will You?!'

7.' Love, Valour, Compassion!' --' I Am That Guy From Seinfeld So It's Acceptable for Straight People to Enjoy This Gay Movie'

6.' Babe' --' The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks And Solves Agricultural Problems'

5.' Twister' --' Run! Ruuunnnn! Cloudzillaaaaa!'

4.' Field of more...

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her
young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they
grew up.
A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived
her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?"
The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."
"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus!
And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting withher young charges and she asked them what they wanted to bewhen they grew up.A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When theyrevived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped,"What did you say?"The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute.""A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweetJesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

In the town square a nasty crowd had gathered, intending to stone to death a prostitute. From the crowd, Jesus strides forward, holds up his arms and yells "Let ye without sin cast the first stone!"
The crowd is contrite, for none amongst them can honestly say they are without sin. Then a little old, withered up woman comes hobbling up, picks up a good size rock and beans the prostitute right between the eyes.
Jesus just stands there with his hands on his hips and says, "Sometimes, Mother, you really piss me off!"