Psychiatrist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up having sex with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

Jack tells his shrink, "Last night I dreamed you were my mother."
"How did you feel about it after you woke up?" asks the psychiatrist.
"I overslept," answers Jack. "Then I remembered I had an appointment with you, so I grabbed a Coke and some cookies for breakfast and came right over. I didn't really have time to think about it. What does it mean, doc?"
"A Coke and some cookies?" says the psychiatrist. "You call that breakfast?"

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said "No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette," but the man said "No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said "No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!" The bartender said, "Your only son I presume!!" bar, drinking
Psychiatrist's Best Friend "A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine more...

A pert and attractive nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you have to help me," she said. Every time I date one of the young physicians here, I end up going to bed with him. Afterwards, I feel guilty and depressed for days."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And, I supposed you want me to strengthen your willpower and resolve this matter."
"Heavens, NO!" she exclaimed. "I want you to fix it so I don't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere. "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."

A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I actually did once." "And how did your husband look?" "Angry, very angry."

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"

"He was looking through the window at us!"