Psychiatrist Jokes / Recent Jokes

"How can you stand it?" the young psychiatrist asked the old psychiatrist. "Day in, day out, year in, year out, listening, listening, listening!"
"Who listens?"

A young Jewish man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder. "Every thought I have turns to my mother," he told the psychiatrist. "As soon as I fall asleep and being to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."The psychiatrist replied, "What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?"

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist
began his therapy session. “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”“Of course.” replied the patient. “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth...”

A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatristsuggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the firstpicture and asks the man what he sees." A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man whathe sees." A man and a woman making love in a boat." He holds up the third picture." A man and a woman making love at the beach." This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says hesees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures. At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes andsays, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex." And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures."

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."

"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."

The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."

The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

A father was distressed with his thirteen-year old son's preoccupation with breasts. His son would repeatedly point to attractive girls and whisper, "Hey, Dad, look at the knockers on that one!"
The father finally took the boy to a psychiatrist, who assured him that just one day's intensive therapy could cure the boy. When the session was over, the father and his son walked several blocks back to the car. The boy was silent as they passed a number of attractive girls.
As they neared the car, the proud father was thinking to himself, pleased with the psychiatrist's work. Then, as they passed a guy unloading barrels of beer from a truck, the boy pulled at his father's sleeve and whispered, "Hey, Dad, look at the ass on the truck driver!"