Pull Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
by: Tina Mancuso and Paul Coen 10. Watch the bag fill. 9. Hyperventilate. 8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it. 7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people). 6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out. 5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang. 4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints. 3. Faint. 2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch. 1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"
A horse & a little chicken were plying in a field. Suddenly the horse's
foot got stuck in a rabbit borrow,
The horse tried so hard to pull it's foot out, but he couldn't. So he asked for
little chicken's help but being only a little chicken he couldn't do much.
so, the horse said to the chicken "why don't you run home and get the master, he
will be able to pull me out," so the little chicken ran home to look for the
master. Unfortunately, the master was not home, The chicken did not know what to
do.
Chicken looked around and he didn't see any thing that he could use to pull the
horse out. All of a sudden he saw it."Master's Brand new sports car" The chicken
got on the car drove to the field, and tied horse's foot in to the car and
pulled him out. The horse was very grateful. and said I will help you out any
day, if you need my help.
The little chicken said that's very nice of you, and they went more...
A& man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked to look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied on its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah, well, sir," came the reply, "that`s a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he`s a trained parrot, sir - used to be in a circus. If you pull the string on his left foot, he says Hello!, and if you pull the string on his right foot he says Goodbye!" "And what happens if I pull both the strings at the same time?" "I fall from my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.The trees are whistling for the dogs.The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly.You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.You actually burn your hand opening the car door.You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.The potatoes cook underground, so all you have todo is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.The cows are giving evaporated milk.
1. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
2. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
3. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
4. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
5. This is an actual joke I heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City; one of the most bone jarring I've experienced. The steward came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell more...
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you dont know how to operate one, you probably shouldnt be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.