Pun Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two friends get lost during a hiking trip through the desert. Several days later they are dehydrated, exhausted and starving.

Out of nowhere, they see a tree in the distance that appears to be covered with bacon. One guy sprints ahead, only to be gunned down in a hail of gunfire.

"Run!" the dying man yells out. "It's not a bacon tree. It's a ham bush!"

A bear walks into a bar in Butte, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Butte,"

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bar bears in Butte,"

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Butte,"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Butte that are on drugs!"

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs!"

The bartender says, more...

(or will I ever forgive myself?)

They say that the louder you groan at a pun, the better it is and the more jealous you are. My hand is cupped to my ear and I'm listening...

------------------------------------------------------------

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says,' We don't serve mushrooms here.' The mushroom says,' Why?! I'm a fun guy!'

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces:' I'm lookin' for the man who shot my more...

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess more...