Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was traveling to Seattle on business. Knowing how the weather is up there (and lacking the proper clothing), I went to a local outdoor shop for a inclement weather clothing. Not finding what I was looking for, I went to another. Then another. Finally, a salesman suggested that I go to Rudolph's.

"Rudolph's?" I said, surprised. "Do you mean the Russian specialty store?"

To which the salesman answered, "Rudolph the Red knows rain gear."

~~
Editor's note: Man, this punchline gets used a lot of ways... But I hadn't seen the NW variation before.

What's the difference between a fat lady and a virgin?

Ones tryin' to diet the other dyin' to try it!!!!!!

Stupid.....But funny...


Subject: Funnies
Things to make you stop and think

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do

A year ago, Hans Vonk conducted the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra in a production of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. During the final movement of Beethoven's Ninth, there is a large pause in the Orchestration where only the chorus sings.

Four bass players, feeling they could use this break to get out and stretch their legs, slipped off backstage and proceeded to go outside to smoke a cigarette and take a little nip from a bottle one of them was carrying.

Well, they lost track of time and became quite inebriated. Finally one of them says, "Say! We should really be getting back in... It's almost time to play our part."

"Don't worry," confided one of the other bassists with a wink. "I've fixed it so that we have a longer pause... I tied together the last parts of the conductor's score before our part begins!"

All the bass players had a good chuckle and took a few mo

If quitters never win,
and winners never quit,
who made up the saying?
Quit while you're ahead!

A court jester is thrown into jail for telling terrible jokes.
~What did he say after the guard locked him up?
O-PUN the door!

There were three men who died and went to hell; a white man, a Japanese man, and a black man. The devil said that if he could hold their dicks in his hands without them melting, he would let them go to heaven. If their dicks melted, they would have to stay in hell for enternity.

So the devil took the white man's dick into is hands. It melted.

Then the devil took the Japanese man's dick into his hands. It also melted.

Last, he took the black man's dick into his hand. It didn't melt.

Confused, the devil asked, "Why didn't your dick melt in my hand?"

The black man replied, "Because chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hands."