Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, more...

Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun...

"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.

"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.

"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.

"Who would want to steal modern art?" asked Tom abstractedly.

"Now I can chop down that tree," said Tom with a heavy accent.

"Let's all play an A, a C sharp, and an E," cried Tom's band with one accord.

"I gave the donkey some vinegar," said Tom acidly.

"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.

"They are not answering - we'd better more...

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what does that one feather mean?

Indian 1: It means I screwed one women.

English settler: Oh, you must be very loyal to your wife.

Indian 1: No, I'm just unpopular. Go see that Indian over there. He's popular.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what do those five feathers mean?

Indian 2: It means I screwed five women.

English settler: You must be popular.

Indian 2: No I'm not. Go see him. He's popular.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Indian, what do those ten feathers mean?

Indian 3: It means I screwed ten women.

English settler: You must be popular.

Indian 3: No I'm not. Go see the chief. He's popular.

The English settler goes to see the chief. The chief is surrounded by feathers. He has so many feathers that the English settler couldnt even see him.

English settler: Excuse me Mr. Chief, what do all more...

Teacher: Okay class. Time for a pop quiz.
Little Girl (7th grade) Oh. Your quizzes are hard.
Teacher: (Playing with the word quiz) My little quizzees aren't hard.
Little Girl: If you're quizzees aren't hard, I hate to see your testees.

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked,' Going to a party? '

'Yeah,' the man answered,' I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life.'

'But you look like Abe Lincoln.' protested the barkeep.

'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.'

There was a man who wanted to find the perfect gift for his wife. He went to the store and asked the salesclerk and asked him what he should get his wife. The salesclerk brought out a parrot. The salesclerk said, this is no ordinary parrot, if you light a match under it's right foot, it plays Silent Night, if you light a match under it's left foot, it plays Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The salesclerk made sure to tell him that the name of the parrot is Chet.

The man thought it would be great, so he took it home. He let his wife open it early, since it was a living thing. He told her what great songs it played. They wondered what it would play if they lit a match under it's crotch. So, they did. The parrot sang "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

An baby rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviours on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to run around like its stepsiblings instead of jumping around.As the rabbit reached puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don't we all). It went to its stepparents to discuss the problem.It confessed how it felt different from its stepsiblings and was much forlorn.Their response was... "Don't scurry, be hoppy."