Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes
Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo,
the keeper finds two finches that have dropped dead from old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not" he says as he puts them in the sack with the finches.Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals in the sack, into the lions' cage."Bloody hell" roars the lion..."Not finch and chimps again!"
Q: If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, then what are you in the bathroom?
A: You're a peeing or Europian (say it out loud)
Why did bill clinton stop playing the sax-aphone?
he decided he like the hormonica better (whore- monica)
What do you call eight days of sex
hannucah lewinsky
The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude more...
John decided life would be much easier if he had a clone. So he had one made and sent him to work in his place while he stayed home and relaxed.Soon this backfired when the clone came home and said he'd been fired for making sexual comments to the women in the office.John decided, he had to get rid of his clone before things got any worse. John took his clone to the top of a tall building and pushed him off. Unfortunately, someone saw John and he was arrested and convicted for making an obscene clone fall.
A few suggestions for corporate mergers: - PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Keebler, to be called Poly-Warner-Cracker
- Yahoo and Netscape-to be called Net'nYahoo
- 3M and Good year, to be called MMM-Good
- Knotts Berry Farm and National Organization for Women-to be called Knott NOW
- Federal Express and UPS, to be called FED UP
- Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.
- Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
- John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi
- Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home
- Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine
- 3M, J.C. Penney, Metropolitan Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera
- Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants
- Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da
- Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay more...
1. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.2. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.3. Every calendar's days are numbered.4. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.5. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.6. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.7. A plateau is a high form of flattery.8.. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.9.. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.10. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.11. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.12. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.13. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.14. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.15. Acupuncture is a jab well done.16. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.