Purchase Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?A: She didn't want one for nights.

The VP of a company was checking out the computers in a shop, trying to decide which he wanted to purchase, when the sales clerk approached him.
"This little baby here," said the clerk, "will do half of your work for you."
"That sounds great to me," replied the VP, "I'll take two!"

A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer.
One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced the unit as follows:
Basic Cow $ 999.95
Shipping and Handling 35.75
Extra Stomach 79.25
Two-tone Exterior 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper 189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery 170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment 339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly 884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb 69.80
Farmer Suggested List Price $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment 300.00
Total list price
(including options) $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags 418.00
TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $ 4054.26

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.

"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his more...

Solitaire `99

Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft`s latest software product.

Microsoft Solitaire `98

README file, v4. 3

Welcome!

Congratulations!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire `98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!"

For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*

Solitaire `98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.

System Requirements:

- 266 MHz Pentium II more...

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell
Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please
take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help
us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt.
_Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name ______________
Initial__________________
Last Name________________
Latitude_________________
Longitude________________
Altitude_________________
Password_________________
Code name________________
2. Which model aircraft did you
purchase?
__F-14 Tomcat __F-15 Eagle __F-16 Falcon
__F-119A Stealth __Classified
3. Date of purchase:
Month_____Day_____
Year______________
4. Serial Number______
5. Please check where this
product was purchased:
_Received as Gift/Aid Package
_Catalog more...

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?""No," her husband replied."Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."