Quarter Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.The bartender asks "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of more...
I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in love
What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.
Are your legs tired? 'cause you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Is your father a thief? 'cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says 'yes')
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?
Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven.
Do you like more...
I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in love
What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.
Are your legs tired? 'cause you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Is your father a thief? 'cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says 'yes')
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?
Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven.
Do you like more...
I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.Are your legs tired? 'cause you been running through my mind ALL day long.Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.Is your father a thief? 'cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says 'yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight? Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven.Do you like raisins? How about a date? So... How am I doin'? I miss my more...
Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said You must be an expert! The man replied, No sir I'm just a tax collector.
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time? ” The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter to three, young man. ” “Thanks, ” said Little Johnny. “At exactly three o’clock you can kiss my ass. ” With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. “Why are you running like this at your age? ” asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, “That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass! ” “So what’s your hurry? ” said the friend. “You still have ten minutes. ”