Quarterback Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK OF FOOTBALL
Do you remember primary school/junior high/high school? Do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?...
Well forget'em! This is **FOOTBALL**. With the all new standardized guide to Football, you can forget any of the previous complications of having to remember what second base was or any of that shit. And you wonder why there is a strike in Baseball and not Football! Quite simply, Baseball is a boring, confusing, and often an ambiguous game especially when trying to compare it to sexual experiences. Whereas Football was invented for the soul purpose of understanding where you and your friends are at. Basically the game of Football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered that yet, but as you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily solved here, in The Original Handbook of Football!
Okay now for the yard lines.
your 10 yrd ln... holding hands
" 20 yrd ln... hugging
" 30 yrd more...
Yo mama so stupid she got a peep hole in a glass door. Yo mama so stupid she thought an aspiration was butt sweat. Yo mama so stupid she looks at a can of juice for days' cause it says concentrate. Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company. Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!. Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money. Yo mama so stupid that she ran into an automatic sliding door. Yo mama so stupid that she tried to drown a fish. Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911" Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo mama so more...
This works for any team:
Coach Andy Reid had put together the perfect Eagles team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm.
He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away-ka-boom!
He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away-ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph - bulls-eye!
"I've got to get this guy!" Reid said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Eagles go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.
The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and more...
The Pittsburg Steelers today admitted that they played in the Super Bowl even though their quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, had at least two small rib fractures which are really, really painful. Not to be outdone, the Cardinals admitted that they played in the Super Bowl even though their quarterback Kurt Warner, is really, really old.