Quickly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A handsome young golfer was playing in his first professional tournament. At the end of the first day's activity, the novice was ahead, and a beautiful woman sidled up to him in the clubhouse.
"Say," she cooed, "do you swing as well off the green?"
Rising to the challenge, he took the girl back to his hotel room, and they made love, after which he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Hey," she shook him awake, "Tom Watsqn wouldn't give up so quickly!"
Mustering his energies, he made love to her a second time, after which he slipped off, quite exhausted.
The woman shook him again. "Hey, Arnold Palmer wouldn't give up so quickly!"
The golfer was getting some life back in his jaw, and, taking a deep breath, he made love to her yet again. When he was through, he fell asleep on top of her, too tired to move. She tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, Jack Nicklaus wouldn't fade away like that!"
Angry more...

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those ?" The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards ?" Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood. They we're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and decided to walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car and lands practically at their feet. Sally quickly picks it up and decides to take it home until they decide what to do with it. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars.
The husband says, "We've got to give it back."
She says, "Finders keepers," and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find or know about some money that fell out of an armored car more...

One day air force one crashed on a farm. quickly the fbi came to investigate. they knew there were no survivors. they looked frantically through the wreckage to try and find the presidents body but it was no where to be found. there were only a few security guards. maybe the president hadn't died. maybe he had gotten out and went to get some help. in the next field over there was a farmer plowing his field like nothing had even happened. they quickly ran over to him.
fbi agent: excuse me sir, did you see that plane crash over there?
farmer: yessiree i certianly did.
fbi agent: did you see anyone get up and walk away?
farmer: nope, i buried them all this morning. didn't wantem stinkin up the place.
fbi agent: did you realize the president was on that plane?
farmer: yep, buried him too
fbi agent: you buried the president?
farmer: well he kept saying he was still alive but you know what a liar he is!

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the
house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the
proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local
hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world"
there.

Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she
was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as
if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of
purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind
him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and
said "May I have one of those? "

The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of
those bastards? "

Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of
those Son-of-a-Bitches next to' em too."

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes....#1,#2,#3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press - and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his more...

Morris had just been hired as the new Director of a large high tech corporation. The Director who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes...#1, #2, #3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing Director said.Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but 6 months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." Morris, the new Director, called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous Director. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from more...