Quicksand Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: Slow cattle crossing. no overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. everyone welcome
Sign warning of quicksand: Quicksand. any person passing this point will be drowned. by order of the district council.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Sign on motorway garage: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS. Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL. Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF. Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS. Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS