Quiet Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a lady who had triplets. Shut up, Be quiet, and Trouble. One day she told the boys to go buy her some milk from the store. They set off. When they got there the walked around looking for the dairy section. Somewhere along the line a big mob of people came and Trouble got lost. Shut Up and Be Quiet went to a police officer that was buying some bread.
Officer: What is your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: What is your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Since Shut Up was not cooperating he asked Be Quiet.
Officer: What is your name?
Be Quiet: Be Quiet.
Officer: What is your name?
Be Quiet: Be Quiet.
Officer:(really getting irritated) Are you guys looking for trouble?
Shut up and Be quiet: YES, YES, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?

Once the couple visited the zoo. They noticed that all the animals are laughing except donkey
Couple asked watchman: - why all animals are laughing but donkey is not laughing.
Watchman said to couple: - one of the animals had told a joke so every animal understood the joke except donkey didn't understood the joke. After 1 week the couple again visited the same zoo. They noticed that all animals were quiet but donkey was laughing.
They asked again to watchman. Couple: - why all animals are quiet but donkey is laughing.
Watchman to couple: - because 1 week ago there was a joke on which all animals were laughing and donkey didn't understood that joke, today the same joke donkey has understood and he is laughing now.

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

The man says, "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has
hunted all his life.
When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to
sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a
blood-curdling scream.
He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be
quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled
over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down
my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled
up my pants leg and said,' Should we take them with us or eat them
here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

A man staggered into the casualty department of a hospital, he had severe concussion, two black eyes, multiple bruising and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him “What happened to you? ”
The man managed to croak…”Well, my wife and I were having a quiet round of golf, we were playing the eighth…, a difficult hole at the best of times….., anyway, we both sliced our balls into a field full of cattle. We went to look for them and as we were walking round, I noticed that one of the cows had something white at it’s rear end. I went over, lifted it’s tail, and sure enough there was a golf ball with my wife’s initials on it…. stuck right in the centre of the cow’s f***y.
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife “Hey this looks like yours! ”
I don’t remember much after that..