Quiet Jokes / Recent Jokes

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.' We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!' The man said,' You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said,' Then you're not the right man for this job.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.' I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said,' You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after more...

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn.
She was given the same more...

Warnings to anyone who is Catholic and' sensitive' to such humor.

A recently deceased fellow stands before St. Peter and askes to be let into Heaven. St. Peter asks his religion, and the fellow replies' Episcopalian.'

St. Peter says:' Welcome to Heaven. Go to room 24. Please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven.

'Religion'?

'Baptist'.

'Go to room 18. But be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

A third man arrives at the gates.

'Religion?'

'Jewish.'

'Go to room 11, but please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

The man says,' I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?'

St. Peter tells him,' Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here'.

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field."
About 10 minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear almost stepped on me and then breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked...

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field." A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said "Should we eat them here or take them with us?" I panicked...

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."An hour later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet!" The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my
breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, "Should we eat them here or take them with us? Well, I guess I just panicked."

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer
to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve
so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve as
Santa Claus landed on a rooftop, he suddenly heard a very
loud “Snort sniff honk honk snort! ” coming from one of his
reindeer.
Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn’t know which
one it was. It happened again, only louder this time: “Snort
sniff honk honk snort! ”
Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. “Shhh! ” Santa
hissed. “Please be quiet! ”
He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh
when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. “SNORT
SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT! ” Lights came on all over the
neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of
their windows.
Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove
quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all more...