Quiz Jokes / Recent Jokes
From: jaffo@onramp. net (Jaffo)
Newsgroups: alt. politics. jaffo,[...]
Subject: Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist!
Keywords: hat tree brick rock wink prostate Dole corrugated firm bouncy happy cat woof cobble freak hectare moo
In alt. politics. jaffo, on 16 Dec 1996 13: 04: 09 -0700, you wrote:
: The second one. Nail those toon bastards to the wall. They're all: Communists you know. Ever notice why Bart and Lisa Simpson both are: always wearing RED? ALWAYS?
Which brings me to my annual Christmas rant.
AHEM.
I have a little quiz. Not a quiz, really, in fact this is Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist.
Wears red.
Wears conspicuous cold weather clothing. (Gets mighty cold in SIBERIA!)
Infiltrates the homes of hard-working Americans.
Favors the redistribution of wealth in the form of colorfully-wrapped presents.
Distributes COMMUNIST propaganda, teaching our children that if they just more...
Hillbilly Sex Quiz
Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate.
1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F
2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F
3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. T F
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. T F
5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. T F
6. A G-string is part of a violin. T F
7. Semen is another word for "sailor". T F
8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". T F
9. Testicles are found on an octopus. T F
10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. T F
11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T F
12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. T F
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. T F
14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". T F
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. T F
16. A condom is an apartment complex. T F
17. An organism is the more...
Many of us have been there. Something just doesn't click with the new boss. Or maybe we're just horribly incompetent, or miserably incapable of performing up to standard. Whatever the reason, sometimes in our lives, we've got to calculate the odds of being canned. Take this quiz and find out you chances of survival in the job world.
The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk. You...
A) swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B) inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of more...
THE IMPORTANT THINGS LIFE TEACHES US
1. Most Important Question.
During a students second month in a nursing school, the professor gave them a pop quiz. The students were a conscientious group and had breezed through the questions, until they read the last one:
What is the name of the women who cleans the school?
Surely this was some kind of joke they thought. They had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark hared and in her 50s, but how would they know her name?
They handed in their papers leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count towards the quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello." They never forgot that lesson. They also learnt that the cleaning woman's name was Dorothy.
***********************
2. more...
This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends. You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.
1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator? *
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Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.
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2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator? *
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Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
*
3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend? *
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Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.
*
4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it? *
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Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.
This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends. You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator? ****Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.*2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator? ****Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.*3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend? ****Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.*4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it? ****Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.
This is a quiz to see if you should be considered a 'professional smart person' by your friends.
You can scroll down for answers. There are 4 questions. They are not that difficult.
1)How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator?
*
*
*
*
Answer: Open the door, put in the elephant, and close the door.
*
2)How do you put a giraffe into a refridgerator?
*
*
*
*
Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
*
3)The animals are having an animal meeting. All the animals attend except for one. Which one does not attend?
*
*
*
*
Answer:The giraffe. The giraffe is in the refridgerator.
*
4)You must cross a crocodile-infested river. How do you manage it?
*
*
*
*
Answer:You swim across. All of the animals are attending the animal meeting.