Rabbi Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his private
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good more...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I Committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in more...

Jack has stolen the rabbi's gold watch and afterwards felt guilty about what he did.
After a sleepless night, he went to the rabbi.
"Rabbi, I stole a gold watch."
"But Jack, that's forbidden! You should return it immediately!"
"What shall I do?
"Give it back to the owner."
"Do you want it?"
"No, I said return it to its owner."
"But he doesn't want it." "
"In that case, you can keep it."

Two rabbis were walking past a church and saw a sign reading "We'll pay you
$2,000 to convert."
The first rabbi, clearly offended, arched his eyebrows and decided to look
into the matter. The second agreed to stay outside. Twenty minutes later
the first rabbi returned.
"Well?" asked the second rabbi. "Is it true? Could they really be
offering money for a conversion? Did they offer $2,000 dollars?"
The first rabbi just frowned and replied... "2,000 dollars?... Is that all
you people think about?"

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.
Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?"
Bernie: "The dog came here to pray."
"Oh, come on." says the Rabbi.
"YES!" says Bernie.
Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple."
Bernie: "Its true!"
"Ok", says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff), "then show me what the dog can do."
"OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog... The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.
When the Rabbi regains his more...