Race Jokes / Recent Jokes

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English more...

Three race horses standing around started arguing.
The first said, "I've won 15 out of 20 of my races!"
The second said, "Yeah, well I've won 29 out of 30 of my races!"
The third said, "Yeah, well I've won 39 out of 40 of my races!"
Then, a greyhound came up and said, "Oh yeah! Well, I've won 99 out of 100 of my races!"
The horses glared in amazement. "Wow! A talking greyhound!"

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it`s very simple: I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his."

Who won the race between two balls of string? They were tied!

There
was a guy whose lucky number was five. He was born on
May 5, 1955. He graduated 5th in his class, got a job
with the 5th company he applied to and soon became the
5th highest executive, married the 5th girl he dated,
had 5 children, and always shot a five under at golf.
One day he was at the horse track, and saw that at 5PM
in the fifth race in lane number 5 was a five year old
stallion named "Numero Cinco". Seeing this
as a sign, he goes to the fifth betting window and bets
$55,555 on the horse. He goes to the fifth row in the
stands to watch the race.
The horse came in fifth

Sardar- Why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.