Race Jokes / Recent Jokes

Just after the biggest horse race of the year, the horses that came 2nd and 3rd meet up and discuss the replay of the race. The horse that came second, a grey horse, tells the other brown horse that he doesn't undersatnd why he lost. "I was winning for most of the race, I got well ahead of everyone else and onto the last straight, when all of a sudden that black horse comes out of nowhere and blows me out of the water! I just don't understand." Just then, a dog wanders up to the horses and says "Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I noticed that you had that large lead at the start of the race and knew straight away you were going to lose, you need to pace yourself, and because the black horse conserved his energy, but stayed just close enough to you throughout, he was able to beat you on the straight with great ease". The dog walks off and the two horses look at each other all confused. There is a short pause and the brown horse says more...

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....
The race began....
Honestly:
No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
You heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make it to the top."
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....
Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....
The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....
This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the more...

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did wonderfully in time trials. However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare.
One day, the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be castrated. The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career.
After a quick recovery period, the horse was again run in time trials, and found to do as well as ever. But the first time he actually ran in a race, he only went about ten paces before getting a dejected look on his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.
"What's wrong with you?" asked the trainer, "Why didn't you continue, you were doing great?!"
"Yeah, well how would you feel" replied the horse, "if five thousand people took one look at you more...

A blonde and a brunette were having a race by jumping off a cliff. The race was to see who could reach the bottom of the cliff first.
Who won...
... The brunette as the blonde stoped to ask for directions!

The Americans and Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering: the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American's team management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance more...

13> “None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth. ”
12> “Tampax! Get your Tampax here! ”
11> “Hey, shut up! I can’t hear the race! ”
10> “Sex with your sister!? Man, that’s sick. ”
9> “My GOD, this is a splendid Merlot! ”
8> “Hey, you with the large breasts - out of the way! We’re trying to watch a race here! ”
7> “Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attaché case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone. ”
6> “What a coincidence, Hank - all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too! ”
5> “These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert! ”
4> “Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at ‘Depends’ understand you’re looking for a new corporate sponsor…”
3> “Whew! No more beer for me, fellas…”
2> “Filling in for Dale ‘The Intimidator’ Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael ‘Lord of the more...