Rake Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mike and Joe, two buddies, were talking when Joe asked, "Hey Mike, do you have a rake?"
"No." Mike replied.
Joe questioned, "Well, then will ask your sister to come to my house this weekend to help with something?"
Mike, even though he thought this was a strange request, consented and later talked his sister into it.
That weekend, Mike, overcome with curiosity, drove to Joe's. Joe called out that he and Mike's sister were in the back yard.
After walking around, Mike saw Joe holding Mike's sister updide down by her toes and pushing and pulling her through Joe's flower garden. Obviously shocked, Mike yelled in surprise, "What the heck do you think you are doing?"
Calmly Joe answered, "A gardening magazine said to use a rake to even out the soil. Neither of us had one, but they said I could also use a hoe."

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this: "Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of more...

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"

The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."

So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."

"Why is that?"

"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.

"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with more...