Random Jokes / Recent Jokes
Redmond, WA -- Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling."The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times."Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century."We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. "Except for the fact that they're stinking rich."Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if they more...
Random House, publisher of "A Million Little Pieces," has agreed to a financial settlement with readers who claim they were defrauded by James Frey's memoir.
Zondervan, a publisher of the Bible, immediately declared bankruptcy.
A group of black men approach and say: can u tell me how to get to the trainstation please?
I say: certainly monkey face. U go past the cotton picking chimp, down past the crack house, round the burny cross, past the job centre, and its opposie the banana tree.
As I lay in hospital I'm thinking to my self thats the last time eat them fucking rowntrees randoms.
Redmond, WA -- Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling." The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times." Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century." We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. "Except for the fact that they're stinking rich." Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if more...
1.) THE PRINTER SHREDDER: This simple device can be added on to any printer, and will shred any document the comes out of it.
2.) FAKE MOUSE:a fake mouse runs in a wheel that is connected to your computer. as the mouse spins slower/faster, your screen will become darker/lighter "yeah. I just installed it. It really saves on power costs."
3.) AUTO BAD SPELLER: This program can take any document, randomly choose correctly spelled world and then spell them incorrectly.
4.) TALKING COMPUTER: This simple program, when put on someone's computer, whispers "psst! Hey Bob!" at random intervals.
5.) SMOKER: This simple add on makes a monitor smoke. The amount of smoke will increase with the length of time the computer is used.
6.) RANDOM ERROR: When installed, this will generate insensible error messages extremely often, no matter what they are doing at the time.
7.) TRACER: This program will generate messages more...
These are great!
A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I forgot to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she didn't give a shit.
They keep telling women to get in touch with their bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the 9: 00 class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen, bitch, do it and you die."
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
Gay, straight... they all want blow jobs.
They say more...
Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.
"The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money, "recalls Gates. "I suddenly realised that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times."
Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century.
"We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if they could spareany change so that Microsoft has enough money more...