Ranger Jokes / Recent Jokes
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men)
He does not have a beer gut…
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)
He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys)
He is not quiet…
He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is a SAMS grad.
He is not stupid…
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He is a field grade.
He does not get lost all the time…
He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He gets temporarily misoriented.
He is not balding…
He is in Follicle Regression.
He has a REALLY squared away high and tight.
He is not a cradle robber…
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He is breaking the new fraternization policies.
He does not get falling-down drunk…
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He practices his IMTs in the club.
He is not short…
He more...
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I dont give two hoots for your shoes, man, Ill go and kill my own!"The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same."So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Damn! more...
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said' Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop at a bar for a beer and while they're drinking a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that parked outside?" The Lone Ranger raises his hand and says, "That's mine. Am I blocking you?" The cowboy says, "No but you might want to check it, looks like it's running hot." Sure enough they go look out the door and the horse has broken out into one of those typical soap shavings sweats that horses are known for. Tonto says, "I'll take care of it boss." He rushes out and starts wiping the horse down and doing a rain dance around it while the Lone Ranger goes back inside. Another minute passes and another cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that parked outside?" The Lone Ranger once again raises his hand and says, "That's mine." The cowboy says, "You may want to check it, looks like you left your injun running."
A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish
at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always
leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat
but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned
the situation to the lake ranger. The ranger then started
watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The
man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early
afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish. The ranger dressed
like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged
pleasantries and the stranger asked the ranger in disguise to
come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at
a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite.
Ranger: "I'm going to have to place you under arrest-I am
a Ranger and you are fishing illegally!"
The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to
the ranger.
Stranger: "Are more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A more...
Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?"The other one replied, "I dont know."So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong it will get dismissed."The second Ranger said, "Why dont we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"