Ranger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.""Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.
And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll more...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, ‘who owns the white horse tied up outside? ’
The Lone Ranger said, ‘Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask? ’
‘Because it? collapsed and looks like it’s dying, ’ says the stranger.
So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
‘He’s probably just suffering from the heat, ’ says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, ‘who owns the white horse outside? ’
The Lone Ranger says, ‘That’s mine, what’s the problem this time? ’
‘Oh, no problem, ’ says the stranger, ‘it’s just that you’ve left your injun running. ’

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo.
But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."
"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand.
With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger... He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians... and they all attacked at one time... and he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled "And what does that have to do with sex education, more...

A ranger was briefing a group of walkers in a park:
"It is possible," he warned, "that we will encounter a grizzly bear.
However, as grizzlies usually avoid contact with humans, I suggest you attach small bells to your backpacks to signal your approach & give the bears time to retreat.
If you do see any grizzly bear droppings," he added, "leave the area at once."
"But how will we know if they are bear droppings?" asked one walker.
"Easy," replied the ranger.
"Grizzly bear droppings are full of small bells."

An American and his Czechoslovakian friend were out walking in the forest. They rounded a corner and right in front of them stood a giant grizzly bear. Before they could make a move, the bear jumped up and ate the European.
The American turned and ran. He pulled out his cell phone and called the local forest ranger. In no time, an experienced ranger was upon the scene, and they headed back to find the man eating bear.
They neared the site where the man was eaten. They came upon two bears, a male and a female. The ranger asked the American which bear ate his friend. The American replied that it was the male, the bigger of the two.
With that, the fearless ranger pulled out his hunting knife, and with one fell swoop, slashed open the belly of the female, and out popped the man’s friend.
“Never trust someone when they say the Czech is in the male. ”

True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, "Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen's ball?"
To that, he replied, "No ma'am. We're Rangers! We don't have any balls!" He continued to write down some information.
After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, "Never mind." He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off - no ticket was issued.

The woman called to her husband from the kitchen of the Texas ranch and said, "Bruno, would you please get the car and drive the kids to the back yard so they can play?"
In the days of the Old West, bar fights would often spill over into the street and before anyone knew what happened, it was a full-scale riot.
In one such town, the Mayor wired the Texas Rangers for help. On the next train, a Ranger gets off and is greeted by the astonished Mayor.
"They only sent one Ranger???"
The Ranger straightened his hat, brushed the dust from his coat, and replied, "Y'all only got one riot, right?"
A Texan was dictating his will to his lawyer: "To my son I leave the sum of five million dollars, and he's damn lucky I didn't cut him off entirely."