Ranger Jokes / Recent Jokes
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by
his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a
man,
I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her
doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard
her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of
her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw
himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I
need a bike! I need a bike!"
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A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity
for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher
asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy
raises his more...
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim.
Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the Texas Ranger you had never felt better in your life? "
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon? "
Farmer: "When the Ranger arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.
My uncle Jack served in the late 60s on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, CVA-61, in the Tonkin Gulf off the east coast of Vietnam. Having spent his youth with Ham radio, he became an electronics technician. He came aboard fresh from high school, Basic Training, and the US Navy's radio repairman's school. In the radio shop, as probably elsewhere on the ship, in the Navy, and in military life in general, life is regulated by a strict hierarchy. In small organizational units, where the hierarchy is rather flat, the pecking order must be decided by some means other than stripe count. In the Ranger's radio repair shop, the man with the least seniority was assigned to arrive earlier in the morning to make the coffee, so it would be ready by the time the rest of the crew arrived. The first morning out of port, the chief petty officer was giving him the shop tour, focusing closely on coffee-making procedures. "Ya see kid, first ya put eight scoops of coffee in da basket, den ya put da more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lon e Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been rounding up bad guys all day, and were
in big-time need of a beer. They rode their horses as fast as they could
to the nearest town, and tied them to the rail outside the saloon.
The Lone Ranger told Tonto to stay outside a little while and run around
Silver real fast so that Silver doesn't get sick from overheating.
Tonto said, "Sure thing, Kemosabe", and did as he was asked.
While the Lone Ranger was inside having his beer, a stranger walked in and
asked, "Who owns that big white stallion tied up outside?"
"I do", said the Lone Ranger, "what's it to you?"
The stranger ordered a beer, turned to Lone Ranger and said, "Nothin' to
me, Pardner, but you left your injun runnin'"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do... Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another more...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, more...