Rare Jokes / Recent Jokes
A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:
"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."
EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:
"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."
COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:
"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in more...
This guy goes to see his doctor. "Doc," he says, "I've got a problem, every minute of every day I've got that old song, Delilah, running through my head. I catch myself humming it and sometimes singing it in public places. My wife says I even sing it in my sleep, it's driving her nuts. What is the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."
"Is it a rare disorder?" the guy asks.
The doctor answers, "It's not unusual.."
A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:
"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley`s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."
EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:
"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley`s Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."
COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:
"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley`s Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in more...
This guy goes to see his doctor. "Doc," he says, "I've got a problem, every minute of every day I've got that old song, Delilah, running through my head. I catch myself humming it and sometimes singing it in public places. My wife says I even sing it in my sleep, it's driving her nuts. What is the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."
"Is it a rare disorder?" the guy asks.
The doctor answers, "It's not unusual.."
A zoo acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, which was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What was he to do? There were no males of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Joe, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Joe, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Maybe they could entice Joe to satisfy the female gorilla.
They approached Joe with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla - for five hundred bucks?
Joe said that he might be interested, but he would have to think the matter over first. The following day, Joe announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss more...
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back... Boy, were they mad!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency more...
I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.