Reach Jokes / Recent Jokes

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A pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kittcould not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bentdown, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a little further forward....the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and catapulted the kitten instantly through the air-out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to Your keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery more...

Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a burned-out bulb?
Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that damned stupid lamp!
Rottweiler:
Make me.
Lab:
Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Siberian Husky:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the more...

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.
After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks 'Can I have one of those cigarettes?'
Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt 'no' asks 'Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies 'No, it doesn't'. 'Then, ' said grandpa, 'you aren't old enough to smoke.'
Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig. 'Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man. 'No, replies the boy.' 'Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply.
By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and more...

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks 'Can I have one of those cigarettes?'Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt 'no' asks 'Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies 'No, it doesn't'. 'Then, ' said grandpa, 'you aren't old enough to smoke.'Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig. 'Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man. 'No, replies the boy.' 'Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply.By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie more...

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about more...

A little boy goes fishing with his grandpa. As they are paddling round the lake,
Grandpa lights up a big cigar.
The boy looks at his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, I sure would like to smoke one
of your big cigars."
Grandpa then asks, "Well son, will your pecker reach your anus?".
The little boy replies, "No."
"Well," says Grandpa. "Then you're too young to smoke cigars."
A little while later Grandpa pops open a beer.
The boy looks at his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, I always wanted to drink a
beer."
Grandpa then asks, "Well son, will your pecker reach your anus?"
The little boy replies, "No."
"Well," says Grandpa. "Then you're too young to drink beer."
Soon the little boy reaches into his backpack and pulls out a big ham sandwich.
Grandpa looks at the little boy and says, "Son, I would really like to have some
of that more...