Reaching Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, a few years before all those nasty divorces, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England and Lady Di were out for a drive in one of the Queen's Range Rovers. Suddenly some armed robbers leaped out of the bushes and stopped the car.

'Give us the money' they shouted at the Queen.

'But I'm the Queen of England, I have no need for money, thus I never carry any.'

'Oh, blimey', said the leader of the armed band, and turned to Lady Di.

'Give us yer jewels.'

'But I don't wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions.'

The armed robbers looked fed up when suddenly they heard the sound of wailing sirens approaching.' Quick, out of the car. We'll have the Range Rover at least', and with that the robbers drove off.

As the Queen and Di are waiting for the police to get there, Di turns to the Queen, and asks:' So, what did you do to all the cash you had? You're always loaded.'

'Ah,' said the more...

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person askeda young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were youlooking for?"The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, dependingon the benefits package."The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, companymatching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leasedevery 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Reaching the end of a jobinterview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for. "Inthe neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, fullmedical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company carleased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?" "Wow! Are you kidding?" "Yeah, but you started it."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125, 000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly,. .. but you started it."