Readers Jokes / Recent Jokes
...Johnny Depp has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Magazine, while yours truly has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Named Bix Brillo Magazine.
Read this from Readers Digest a long time ago: One day a Cowpoke riding the plains, came upon a warrior with his head down on the ground with his ear on a wagon track, the warrior looked up at the cowpoke and said" Wagon with two horses, one black, one white, man with beard drive, smoke pipe, women ride, wear blue dress with bonnet" the cowpoke looks at the warrior and said" you mean you can tell me all that just by listening to a wagon track? The warrior looked up and replied, "No! Run over me half hour ago...
The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:
Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent
Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude more...
Post a message asking how to post messages.Lead a tireless crusade for the creation of newsgroups with silly names like alt.my.butt.is.hairy.Put 4 addresses, 5 lines of "Geek Code", 6 ASCII-art bicycles, a PGP key, and your home phone in your signature.Post recipes on rec.pets.cats.Post a compendium of old articles from a thread that died months ago with a title such as "** HAS JOE SMITH FORGOTTEN HIS LIES? **"Post a 56-part binary MPG file of your dog throwing up to news.answers. Announce that you screwed it up and repeat.Ask readers of rec.music.misc to post their favorite Zeppelin tune "for a poll".Reacquaint the readers of rec.humor with the "two-strings-go-in-a-bar" joke.Determine a perversion so bizarre or obscure that it doesn't yet have its own sex group.Post your new "War Heroes of India" FAQ to soc.culture.pakistan.Start this week's new AOL virus rumor.Post elaborate conspiracy theories to talk.politics.misc detailing how ATF more...
Random House, publisher of "A Million Little Pieces," has agreed to a financial settlement with readers who claim they were defrauded by James Frey's memoir.
Zondervan, a publisher of the Bible, immediately declared bankruptcy.