Realize Jokes / Recent Jokes

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?'"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on the wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered Christopher, you could have written!"
BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, How many times have I told you-quit playing baseball in the house! that's the third window you've broken this week!"
MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: " Mike, can't you paint on walls lie other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right Napoleon. If you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove more...

You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven't had any caffine in about 6 hours.
You start listening to music and see it properly indented in your head.
You think the cleaning lady is sining in tune.
You wonder why on earth anyone would make a programming language conform to such absolutely bizare rules of grammer but in a strange way it actually begins to make sense.
You start dreaming in recursion (if you have any time to dream).
You realize not only is it day but your project is due in 2 hours, which isn't enough time to even begin running it.
You start customizing your environment because you want it "just right" (and because further work on the program is futile).
You wonder when the invasion will begin.
You understand #8.
You write a list like this.
You start getting lost in the control syntax (i.e. () {} [] or other meaningless symbols that the high and mighty compiler programmers force down upon us its represion more...

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

In preparation for the upcoming deer hunting season (a season which receives more attention than Christmas in my midwest neck of the woods) I offer the following Deer Hunter Opening Day Summation:
1:00 a.m.Alarm clock rings.
2:00 a.m.Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
3:00 a.m.Leave for deep woods.
3:15 a.m.Arrive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 a.m.Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 a.m.Set up camp - forgot the damn tent!
4:30 a.m.Head into the woods.
6:05 a.m.See a deer.
6:06 a.m.Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 a.m.Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 a.m.Head back to camp.
9:00 a.m.Still looking for camp.
10:00 a.m.Realize you don't have a clue where camp is.
12:00 noonFire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 p.m.Out of bullets - 6 deer come by.
12:20 p.m.Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 p.m.Realize you ate poisoned berries.
12:45 p.m.Rescued.
12:55 more...

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, will you shut up!"
The officer then leaned over more...

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" pr0perty0fgl0wp0rtThe officer then leaned over more...

The male type
Ok, we all know all men seem to fall into categories, well a friend of mine and I were discussing it one day and we decided to create the "man lecture". So here it is:
All men have their own type, of which there are 5.
Type 1: Man.
Type 2: Annoying man.
Type 3: Annoying possessive man.
Type 4: Annoying, possessive, jealous, and controlling man.
Type 5: Annoying, possessive, jealous, controlling, and a down right jerk off.
,
All these types have their own sub-types.
Type 1: A. Good father.
Type 1: B. Thoughtful.
Type 1: C. Excellent bedmate (yes I mean it the sexual way)
Type 1: D. Trustworthy.
Type 1. E. Deals with his problems by facing them.
Type 2: A. Decent father.
Type 2: B. Is lucky to remember your birthday.
Type 2: C. Does ok.
Type 3: A. Could do a lot better.
Type 3: B. Is lucky to remember his birthday.
Type 3: C. Could use a few pointers, but is otherwise all more...