"Mom!!" joke
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?'"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on the wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered Christopher, you could have written!"
BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, How many times have I told you-quit playing baseball in the house! that's the third window you've broken this week!"
MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: " Mike, can't you paint on walls lie other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right Napoleon. If you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"
MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"
BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!"
GOLDILOCK'S MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the bear family. You know anything about this Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get of your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something....?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the past 3 days!"
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths!"
And finally...
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, dear. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!