Receiving Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monica has been receiving a lot of kidding about her weight. She
considered to have her love handles removed, but decided against it as she
might lose her hearing if they cut off her ears.

You will experience great sex within four days of receiving this letter, provided you pass it on (use the "Email This To A Friend or Social Bookmark It!" above or post a link on your favorite message board or blog). Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies to people who need to get laid within 96 hours. Don't believe this is serious business? Read some of these true stories:
* After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of orgasms of his life.
* John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead. When they searched his home, they found magazines of little boys which they showed to his neighbors.
* In a suburb of Paris, Don Loray's trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to circulate the more...

After Receiving an Invitation to a Mathematicians' Ball:

Augustin Louis Cauchy said he surely will managed to integrate well with everyone.

David Hilbert was afraid he will be pretty spaced out for most of the party.

Paul Erdös asked: "Are epsilons invited too?"

John Forbes Nash insisted on playing n-person zero sum games.

Zeno of Elea said he will come with two friends - Achilles and the tortoise.

Bertrand Russell was wondering: "If the cook only cooks for the guests, who cooks for the cook?"

Kurt Gödel insisted that the invitation is incomplete and never will be.

A lawyer and a Pope passed away at the same time and went up to heaven together. After being their for a short time, the Pope noticed that the lawyer was receiving far better treatment than he was. He went to talk with St. Peter to find out why.
"Please understand that I'm not complaining, " the Pope said, "but it seems to me that the lawyer I came up here with is receiving better treatment than I. He has been given a much better room and more servants. I don't understand why. I was a Pope and served God all my life, he is but a lawyer."
"You must understand," responded St. Peter, "we have many Popes up here, but he is the first lawyer we have ever had."

"Signs You Won't Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year"
As presented on the 12/11/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future" The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet" Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets