Receiving Jokes

Monica has been receiving a lot of kidding about her weight. She
considered to have her love handles removed, but decided against it as she
might lose her hearing if they cut off her ears.

A lawyer and a Pope passed away at the same time and went up to heaven together. After being their for a short time, the Pope noticed that the lawyer was receiving far better treatment than he was. He went to talk with St. Peter to find out why.
"Please understand that I'm not complaining, " the Pope said, "but it seems to me that the lawyer I came up here with is receiving better treatment than I. He has been given a much better room and more servants. I don't understand why. I was a Pope and served God all my life, he is but a lawyer."
"You must understand," responded St. Peter, "we have many Popes up here, but he is the first lawyer we have ever had."

"Signs You Won't Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year"
As presented on the 12/11/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"
The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips
What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"
Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out"
You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies
Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times
You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

The first posting of a young entrant to the Indian Administrative Service was as a junior assistant to the Secretary of the Ministry.
One morning, he took some important files to discuss with his boss. After knocking on the door and receiving no reply he gently pushed open the door to find his senior standing by the window deeply engrossed in his thoughts. He tiptoed out of the room.
Since the files were marked' immediate' he went back to the Secretary's room and again receiving no reply to his knock, went in. The boss was still standing where he had been, intently looking out of the window. Junior sahib coughed lightly to make his presence known. The secretary turned round and remarked,' How can this country go forward? For the last one hour I have been watching the workmen on the road. They haven't done a stroke of work.'

"Signs You Won't Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year"
As presented on the 12/11/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future" The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet" Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets