Recent Jokes / Recent Jokes
The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch"have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made millions off airheads withflawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts. If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certainto follow. Some possibilities: Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessoriesinclude a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant. Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteadersimportant tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how totake care of their nails while shoeing a horse. America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimeagainst feminism. Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina more...
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry"?
A Marine Biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 500 kilometres," he said.
"What the hell would one whale say to another 500 kilometres away?" asked his sarcastic friend.
"I'm not absolutely sure," the expert said, "but it sounds something like' Can you hear me now?' "
According to a recent survey, approximately 35 per cent of all American men think sex is the best way to end an argument.
"Let me tell you something," says Jay Leno. "This could revolutionize the game of hockey."
- "The Tonight Show," NBC
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Not only that, but....
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you
In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the
A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra.
That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries.
Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.