Recent Jokes / Recent Jokes
A new government 10 year survey cost $3, 000, 000, 000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population. According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority. Did you know that 87. 166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed? 80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot. According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys. Q: What do you call a statistician on drugs? A: A high flyer. Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 1-3, alpha =. 05There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees? A: It's referred to as the log scale. Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course? A: He improved his confidence from. 95 to. 99. Q: Why don't more...
One of the most active men-about-town we know was thoroughly upset by the results of a recent medical examination.
"You've set yourself a killing pace with the ladies and it has got to stop," the doctor warned. "You're literally falling apart piece by piece."
In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
In a recent survey, 4% of men preferred fat legs; 6% preferred skinny legs; while 90% preferred something in between.
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit afortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news." There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepareyourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent andhorrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then atthe single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took afew deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. Shemet the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked herquestion:"Will I be acquitted?"
(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the more...
In The News - Edited excerpts from the LA Times
Includes some late night humor
WARNING: May be offensive to American Politicians, White House interns, Amtrak, American sports stars, and supermodels.
Well folks, the rain is on hold for a few days, but... Legislators in Sacramento voted to change the state song from "I Love You California" to Paul Simon's "Slip Slidin' Away".
President Clinton says he approaches everything Saddam Hussein says with a great degree of skepticism. Pretty much the same way we approach everything Clinton says. (Letterman)
American forces in the Persian Gulf went back to full alert when Hussein announced he would honor his latest UN inspection agreement as faithfully as Clinton honored his wedding vows.
Newsweek magazine says Monica Lewensky's resume lists one of her duties at the White House as training the new interns. That's not surprising. If you were Bill Clinton, wouldn't YOU want her to train the new intern? more...