Recently Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He
approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one:
"What's troubling you, brother?" he said.
"My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can't
see."
Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now
20-20 vision.
The next gentleman couldn't hear Jesus' questions, so The Lord just touched
his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection. This man, too, ran out the
door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.
The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even
before Jesus could greet him. "Don't you come near me, man! Don't touch
me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!"

Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing "fairly well" for his age. A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldnt resist asking the doctor, "Do you think Ill live to be 80?"The doctor asked, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?""Oh no," Edgar replied, "Ive never done either."Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?"Edgar said, "No, Ive heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!""Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" the doctor asked."No, I dont," Edgar replied. Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?""No," Edgar said, "I dont do any of those things."The good doctor looked at Edgar and said, "Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?"

In The News - Edited excerpts from the LA Times
Includes some late night humor
WARNING: May be offensive to American Politicians, White House interns, Amtrak, American sports stars, and supermodels.
Well folks, the rain is on hold for a few days, but... Legislators in Sacramento voted to change the state song from "I Love You California" to Paul Simon's "Slip Slidin' Away".
President Clinton says he approaches everything Saddam Hussein says with a great degree of skepticism. Pretty much the same way we approach everything Clinton says. (Letterman)
American forces in the Persian Gulf went back to full alert when Hussein announced he would honor his latest UN inspection agreement as faithfully as Clinton honored his wedding vows.
Newsweek magazine says Monica Lewensky's resume lists one of her duties at the White House as training the new interns. That's not surprising. If you were Bill Clinton, wouldn't YOU want her to train the new intern? more...

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I`m an idiot."