Recognize Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because it was warm and he had heard that the people were friendly.
As soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, "Look! The big red one! Isn't he someone famous?"
Santa thought, "Gee, I'll never get any rest if people start asking to sit on my lap and try to tell me things they want." So he decided to disguise himself. He bought a cowboy outfit complete with cowboy boots and cowboy hat. "No one will know me now-- I look just like everyone else!" He thought happily.
As soon as Santa started walking down the street people began to point and say, "Look! It's that famous Christmas personality!" Santa rushed around a corner to hide. "It's my beard!" he thought. "They recognize me because of my long white beard!"
So Santa went to a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. "I really look like everybody else now!" Santa thought. So more...
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman said, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed more...
Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.
"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.
"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."
A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ” The first blonde answered, “That’s easy. We’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye! ” The policeman said, “Well, uh, that’s because the picture shows his profile. ” Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and said, “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him? ” The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair, and said, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! ” The policeman angrily responded, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ” Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed more...
From AP:
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama tried to reassure Jewish voters concerned about his Muslim ties...
Speaking to the National Jewish Democratic Council, the Illinois senator said his experience living in Indonesia [where Jews aren't allowed] for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Muslims could make him a better president.
"If I go to Jakarta and address the largest Muslim country on earth, I can say,'Apa kabar,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I understand their common humanity," Obama said.
What this reassurance would have sounded like during our previous great war, World War II:
...the Illinois senator said his experience living in Austria for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Austrians could make him a better president.
"If I go to Vienna, I can say,'Heil Hitler,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I more...
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, the two priests went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare but when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning, Father; good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned - how in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day, the two priests went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them more...
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. Wanting to make sure this would be a real vacation, they decided they wouldn't wear anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some very outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses.
The next morning, they dressed in their 'tourist' garb and went to the beach. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and scenery when a 'drop dead' gorgeous woman in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't keep themselves from staring. As she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, and then continued on her way.
They were both stunned and couldn't understand how she could possibly recognize them as priests.
The following day, they returned to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud you could hear them coming before you even more...