Recognized Jokes / Recent Jokes

Celebrity: someone who works all his life to be recognized, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

After working at Macey's, a Utah grocery chain, for more than two years, Erika Jensen has been recognized as the country's best bagger. She is excited to be in the same company as Hillary Clinton, who had been recognized as the country's best carpetbagger.

The following breeds are now recognized by both the American and the Canadian Kennel Clubs:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso. A dog that folds up for easy transport.
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. A traditional Christmas pet.
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso. An abstract dog.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever. The choice of research scientists.
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound. A dog suitable for financial advisors.
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow. A dog that throws up quite often.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. A dog as fresh and clean as a whistle.
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador. A dog that barks incessantly.
Collie + Malamute = Commute. A dog that commutes to work.
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that's true to the end.
Bull Terrier + ShihTzu = Ummm, oh... never mind!

The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can more...