Rectum Jokes / Recent Jokes

Monday morning the teacher asks her class if there was anything exciting that happened to them over the weekend.
As usual, little Johnny is waving his hand frantically, but knowing his reputation the teacher is doing her best to avoid calling on him.
Finally, she gives in and calls on him, "All right, Johnny, tell us what you did this weekend."
"I had my dog pull me in my wagon," Johnny proudly states. "We came to this steep hill and were going so fast that my dog couldn't run fast enough. That's when the handle of the wagon rammed right up his ass."
"Rectum, Johnny, rectum!" the teacher scolds.
"Wrecked um? Ha! Damn near killed him!" Johnny exclaims.

One day the different parts of the body were having anargument to see which should be in charge. The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge." The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of youknow where we are, so I'm the most important and Ishould be in charge." The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pickanything up or move anything. So I'm the most importantand I should be in charge." The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy forthe rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge." The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to moveanywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be incharge." Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge." All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't doanything! You're not important! You can't be in charge." So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the more...

A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams.
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again...Just can't wait to get on the road again..."
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
"On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."
"So what?" - the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.
"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" more...

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have more...

A hunter had bagged three ducks, when he was approached by the game warden. Flashing his badge, the warden said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. I don't suppose you'd mind if I inspected your kill?"
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here is an Idaho state duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden an Idaho state hunting license.
The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here is an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?" The hunter, now a little aggravated, produced an Oregon state hunting license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here is a Washington state duck. Do you have a more...

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100. 00 bill. Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change." "Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?" "Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector." While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?" "Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked. Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher." "A what?" asked the collector." A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance." What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked." Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack more...

Leroy is an 18 year old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly
disillusioned with the public school system. One day, Leroy got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following vocabulary words in a sentence. Here's what he wrote.
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.
2. RECTUM - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady RECTUM both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE - If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money FORCLOSE.
5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give that CATACOMB.
6. PENIS - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.
7. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.
8. UNDERMINE - There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment UNDERMINE.
9. TRIPOLI - I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I more...