Redneck Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if...
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form: Last name: _______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-JackWhat does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)Sex: ____ M ____ F ____Not sureShoe size: ____ Left ____ RightOccupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)PreacherSpouse's Name: _____________2nd Spouse's Name: _______________3rd Spouse's Name: _______________Lover's Name: _______________Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)PetNumber of children living in the home: _____Number of the children living in the shed: _____Number that are yours: _____Mother's Name: ____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name: ____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle more...

Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do.
One: Take out your penie-pipe.
Two: Pull back the foreskin.
Three: Pee.
Four: Push back your foreskin.
Five: Put your equipment back."
The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"
"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four... "

my sister she has moles.
and i cant find my remote so whata do... go to mexico with your sister so you can call her guacaMOLE

Some rednecks were sitting around talking about how smart their dogs were.
One redneck spoke up and said, "I'll tell you what boys, I house trained my hound dog Jake when he was just a pup. When he pooped on the floor, I would stick his nose in it and throw him out the door."
"Now," he continued, "when he poops on the floor, he sticks his own nose in it and jumps out the window."

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words were -
"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"