Referee Jokes / Recent Jokes
And then there was the boxing referee who used to work for NASA; everytime a fighter would go down, he'd start counting "10, 9,8...."
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two lawyers arguing over a penny.
Q: What do you get if you beat the shit out of a lawyer?
A: An empty suit.
Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.
Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.
Q: Why is it dangerous for lawyers to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: The plumbers might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
Q: What do you get if you cross a lawyer with a drunk pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a drunk pig won't do.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: They're both squirmy, both live in slime, and only one in 250 million accomplishes anything more...
What do you call 10, 000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
How can you tell when your lawyer is lying?
His lips move.
What? s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn? t get paid more for a longer fight.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with The Godfather?
An offer you cannot understand.
Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
Professional courtesy.
How many commercial lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case "Look", said one, "let's be honest with each other".
"OK, you first", replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
What's the difference between God and a more...
What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
A few years ago at the World Amateur Wrestling Championship, there was a pairing of an experienced and undefeated Russian heavyweight wrestler going up against an inexperienced, upstart American heavyweight.
The main reason for the Russian wrestler's success was a hideous hold he had developed called the 'pretzel hold'. He had pinned every wrestler he had faced using this hold. It was called the 'Pretzel hold' because when the hold was applied, his opponent's body would resemble the shape of a pretzel. Once applied, no wrestler had ever been able to escape the hold.
When the match between the Russian and the American began, it was evident that the American had superior quickness, but the Russian was stronger and was just laying in wait for the American to make a mistake so he could apply the pretzel hold. Sure enough, that opportunity soon came to play and the Russian grabbed the American and applied the hold. The crowd groaned and the American wrestler's trainers had to look more...
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes!
Sir Chicken Matthews
A Sunday League Jewish football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a kosher chicken in their team.
Rather surprisingly, the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it`s clearing off its own line, the next its threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.
At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half. On the way back, the referee starts chatting with the chicken.
"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".
"Thanks," said the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".
"What do you do then?" asked the referee.
"I`m a chartered accountant" replies the chicken. At which point the referee immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken more...