Relatives Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple was driving down a country road in total silence, since an earlier discussion had lead to an argument and neither was willing to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of pigs and mules, the husband turned to his wife and sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"As a matter of fact, yes," the wife snapped back. "I married into the family!"

One man solved his problem of too many visiting relatives by borrowing money from the rich ones and loaning it to the poor ones.

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent
- education ruined me. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.......... Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty. Save water.
Shower with your girl friend. Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not more...

You Might be a Michigander...
If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding...
If your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake...
If your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any
sport!)...
If snow tires come standard on all your cars...
If at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry...
If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week...
If you can identify an Ohio accent...
If owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town...
If you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your
bike...
If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder...
If you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you
grew up...
If you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is...
If someone aks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've
been to Ann Arbor"...
If more...

Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers.

"Your name?"
>> "Dinesh."
>> "How do you spell it?"
>> "D-I-N...."
>> "Slow, slow, T?"
>> "No, D.
>> "Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
>> "No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
>> "I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in. ..
>> as in Detroit?"
>> "I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came
>> to the US from Madras."
>> "OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I-? "
>> "D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
>> "Is that your last name or first name?"
>> "Uh? Dinesh is my name."
>> "OK. What is your LAst name?"
>> "That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
>> "Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
>> "No. My name is Dinesh."
>> "But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT more...

One village man had a daughter. He was a very rich person but unfortunately not much educated. Finally he found a suitable partner for his daughter and agreed to give a big dowry for his future son-in-law. He was also from a rich family and well educated and speaking english.
On the wedding day brides father wanted to make a speech in English to show his proudness to his new relatives, so he invited to his friend to make a speech during the lunch.
His friend was a retired police sergent, he doesn't know any english but he was pretending. There was nothing to do anyway he made a speech in English. After his speech all (new relatives) began to run. This was the speech,
" Ladies and gentlemen, you are committing act of violence to private and public property. If you do not stop this I compell to order open fire, thank you"
This is what he was learned in police school.