Repeat Jokes / Recent Jokes
(sung to the tune of It's a Small World)
It's a world of Tribbles, a world of cheer
It's a world of wackos with pointed ears,
Punch a Klingon for fun,
Set your phaser on stun,
It's a Trek world after all!
(Chorus)
It's a Trek world after all!
Young and old fen heed the call!
Most with stories, some quite tall!
It's a Trek, Trek world!
It's a world at warp speed, a world of stars
Drinking saur'yan brandy in sleazy bars.
Captian Kirk gets around,
keeps two feet off the ground!
It's a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
It's a world of gangsters, a world of cats,
It's a world where "boogers" can fly like bats!
Hippies sing in the hall,
watch the crew blow up Vall,
It's a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
It's a world of logical, a cast gone grey,
though they fight for peace in the Starfleet way.
"It's a world just for me,"
says Gene more...
The five toughest questions women ask - and their answers:
1. 'What are you thinking?'
2. 'Do you love me?'
3. 'Do I look fat?'
4. 'Do you think she's prettier than me?'
5. 'What would you do if I died?'
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1. 'What are you thinking?'
The proper answer to this question, of course, is: 'I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.' Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - football.
b - baseball.
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if more...
Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTS Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle. Shout random more...
A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway!"
For women - Helpful info.
For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends (or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position more...