Reply Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, `Mike, you wait here, I`m going to run in for confession, it`s been a long time`. Pat enters the confessional and says,` Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman`. The priest asks, `was it Mrs Murphy`? `no, Father`, was the reply.
`Was it Mrs O`Boyle`? Again the reply was `No, Father`.
`Was it Mrs. O`Grady`? Pat said, Father, I`ll not be teling you the lady`s name!
So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary`s for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, `Well, how did you do`? Pat said, `Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects`!

An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal. The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.
So... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.
The manager is now obsessed with more...

These are not mine. I couldn't locate the author. But they are quite
funny. So, here they are:
The letter to dad:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even
an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.
He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.
He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5, 000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29". "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten more...

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel located in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is very well behaved and well groomed. I would like to know if I would be permitted to keep him in my room with me at night."
The hotel owner sent a reply immediately, which said, "I have been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I have never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or anything else. I have never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly, nor have I ever had a dog run out on a hotel bill."
"Yes, indeed," continued his reply, "your dog is most welcome at my hotel. Should your dog be willing to vouch for you, you are welcome to stay here too!"

One day a DIG had to visit an Inspector of police who lived in a village. Since there were few important people in the village the Inspector was considered most important. Also it was evening therefore the DIG decided to visit the Inspector at home. when he went to the house a servant came out, and the DIG asked for the inspector. Lokuhamuduruwo gedara ne was the reply. Thinking he could leave a message with the inspector's son he asked for him. Podi hamuduruwoth gedara ne was the reply. The DIG was impressed a mere Inspector was being referred to as hamuduruwo. The servant wanted to know if the DIG wanted to leave a message. The DIG thought for a moment. Reflecting upon his superior rank he said the servant: "Ehenang buduhamuduruwo evith giya kiyanna"