Report Jokes / Recent Jokes
The captain called the sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh, by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the captain called the sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the sarge.
A few months later, the captain called the sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more more...
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls more...
One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was more...
While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management be
sent away as soon as possible.
Branch Manager
A second note following the report:
Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7,... for my true assessment of him.
One Sardarji Had Some Health Problem And Was Advised For Urine Test. In The Morning He Puts Urine In A Bottle And Kept In The Toilet. His Wife Goes To Toilet And By Mistake She Hits The Urine Bootle And Urine Spills. She Thought Sardarji Will Get Angry, She Put Her Urine In That Bottle.
After Some Time Sardarji Takes That Bottle To Lab And Gives For Testing. In The Evening He Goes To Collect The Report And Is Shocked To See The Result Showing " He Is Pregnant". He Comes Home And Shouts At His Wife "Tenu Kinni Vas Keha Mere Upar Na Chadhya Kar, Ai Dekh Report, Mein Pregnant Ho Gaya.
Okay so theres this kid, right? and for school he had to write a report on something so he wrote his on purple flowers. The next day, his teacher asks him what he wrote his report on and hes like, ”purple flowers” and she’s like, ” Thats horrible your expelled! ” so he comes home and his dads like, ”what did u get expelled for? ” and hes like” i wrote areport on purple flowers” and his dads like “oh my god you cant live here anymore” so anywho, he goes to this orphanage and stays there for a while until they’re like “what did u do to get kicked out, man? ” and hes like”i wrote a report on purple flowers” and theyre like” erg thats horrible you cant stay here” and so he goes to this hindu dude and hes like” go to hinduville and go see the wise one at the top of the hill” so he goes to see the wise one at the top of the hill in Hinduville and the wise ones like” you will find your answer at the bottom of the hill across the street” so he more...
- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the general's arrival. Finally, the general comes in. - Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times.